top of page



Cat Ipsum

Fight own tail. Sit on the laptop walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield. White cat sleeps on a black shirt hate dog, so throwup on your pillow leave buried treasure in the sandbox for the toddlers yet attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened going to catch the red dot today going to catch the red dot today i show my fluffy belly but it's a trap! if you pet it i will tear up your hand. Make muffins see owner, run in terror i like cats because they are fat and fluffy sniff catnip and act crazy rub butt on table and litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me this human feeds me, i should be a god. Mice bite off human's toes. 


Purr like a car engine oh yes, there is my human slave woman she does best pats ever that all i like about her hiss meow hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser this is the day . Knock over christmas tree cats woo chase imaginary bugs. Sleep all day whilst slave is at work, play all night whilst slave is sleeping playing with balls of wool but missing until dinner time, for stare at owner accusingly then wink or walk on keyboard curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels cats making all the muffins. Shred all toilet paper and spread around the house step on your keyboard while you're gaming and then turn in a circle bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together. Why must they do that. I just saw other cats inside the house and nobody ask me before using my litter box run around the house at 4 in the morning floof tum, tickle bum, jellybean footies curly toes so head nudges and hell is other people. 

bottom of page